December 10th, 2010

MERRY METAL CHRISTMAS

Well its that time of year again, time to gather with family and friends around a tree and worship the birth of our zombie overlord over 2000 years ago.  So for those of you unfortunate enough to have a metal fan in your life you have to ask yourself the question:  What do I buy them on this holiest of holidays?   Well look no further here is your official 2010 Metal Christmas List.

Starting off our list we have the Heavy Metal Fun Time Activity book:

This book is full of metal activities such as a coloring section, word search puzzles and using the lords name in vain.  This book is endorsed by the great Ronnie James Dio (RIP),  Brendan Small and Satan himself.  You can purchase it for $9.95 here.

Next on the list is metal attire.  You can not be a true metal head without looking the part here is an example:

Metalhead attire includes but is not limited to:

• Codpieces
• Various spiked items
• Long hair
• Leather
• Body odor
• More leather (not gay)
• And a general dislike for anything that anyone else likes.

Unfortunately I am not sure where you can purchase these items,  I believe they are passed down from generation to generation of metal head.

The next item requires no explanation.

You can improvise those items however you see fit.

And last but not least, a cat.  Why a cat you say?  Because cats are the most metal of all animals, also I ran out of ideas after gift number 1.